Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
