I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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