I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
