my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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