so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
