Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
