Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
