Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
