New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
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Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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