I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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