Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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