If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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