Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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