Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
