Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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