Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
