please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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