Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm too high and old for this...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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