Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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