Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wish my penis had a tongue
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize