just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
