made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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