The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize