Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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