I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
