oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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