i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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