Buhtt sex?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
