Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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