The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
