I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
