new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
why is half of my head shaved?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
