He kissed a someone with a penis
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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