I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
