I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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