I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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