I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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