Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
