I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
