At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize