Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
soo... how was my night?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
