Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.