My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.