someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!