i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"