walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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