so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
