My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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