God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
