i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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