it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
