I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
