This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
