I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Someone shit on the floor
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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