I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
