I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
