Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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