real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
