when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
