WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
