Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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