no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
