Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The air taste purple.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
