My sheets look like a crime scene.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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