I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
