i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
