What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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