batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
