i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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